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J


I stand in between both solstice; slashed, tortured, LOST.




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Before you, my life was like a moonless night. Very dark, but there were stars - points of light and reason. And then you shot across my sky like a meteor. Suddenly everything was on fire; there was brilliancy, there was beauty. When you were gone, when the meteor had fallen over horizon, everything went black. Nothing had changed, but my eyes were blinded by the light. I couldn't see the stars anymore. And there was no more reason for anything.




MY JOHARI WINDOW!

Galvin
Eldora
Elix
Gwendelyn
Iryani
Janice
Joel
Kian Guan
Pamela
Tee Ming
Zhi Xun
Sin Yan
Samantha
Jia Yun
Huey Min

Don't probe into my past.



designer Dancing Sheep
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Since 1 Oct 2007

Disclaimer: This is a sequel of the post "My BMT experience - Exclusive!", please don't make assumptions/judgements/conclusions if you didn't read that post.

RP is like a dumping ground for lousy soldiers. Yea it's kind of true and I accept it since I know I'm not very physically-inclined nor cut out to be a soldier. People also tend to look down on people who became men.

"These people are rotten people. Can't be officer or specialist, confirm got problem." They describe us like we are parasites of society wtf.

But being man, I've seen many other men who have outstanding soldiering skills and excellent leadership qualities, whatever capabilities a spec or officer should/would possess. When asked why not, most would say not worth it. And I thought so too.

OCS 9 months of hell - I'm a free bird, I cannot stand being held down, really. Yes you become God after you commissioned, but still you gotta take lots of shit from your superiors and get all emotionally unstable. I don't think it will change me for the better or even change me at all, since my personality is more or less fixed and I know very sure what direction I want. People just want the glory. To me, I don't think I need it. Because I don't know what does it prove. That you are strong enough to go through 9 months of hell? Then?
(HAHAHA this sounds like I can't get to eat grape say grape sour.)

Some say not worth the time and effort. What for tire yourself out? A wise guy told me it's for people who haven't find themselves.
OCS tough? Maybe. I have friends who lose themselves in OCS.

SCS 6 months - I don't know but most of my specialist friends have lots of negative remarks and experiences about the course. Specs who enjoy good life are few and far between. And from what I see, my specs take a lot of shit from men and officers/superiors.

Men - get fucked and over with. No OT or paperwork for every single little thing. No arrows.
Like they say, the more pay you get, the more shit you take.

Not all people want glory or fame, not all people want to prove themselves to be worthy or whatever. Some people think there is no need to prove anything at all. Some people are laidback and just want peace. Cut us some slack, seriously. Go be a soldier for all you want.

I'm shocking to discover that some of my fellow colleagues and counterparts were really geniuses and smart asses in the civilian world. In here, I see them acting dumb and quiet and innocent, trying to stay low and out of sight; yet actually they are doctors, lawyers, scientists, MPs to-be. :O

On the contrary, (some) specs are like very lost in life and officers are like damn emotionally unstable since upstairs people kept giving them shit.

I realised I have to be a very good actor in order to survive here. This is worse than corporate politics. In a sense that people here are damn naive and innocent and dumb, where they focus more on things which I think are redundant; forever raising storm in a teacup. It's dangerous because it's like working with kids and bounded by the law. That's why I'm speechless all the time, literally and figuratively. I need to find my way out of here.