Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Ok, so selective memory is what I've been practicing lately because I have really splendid memory and it's starting to take its toll on me, plus I realised that remembering people and past events to details is unnecessary. Since all people are like that so I figured I should do the same too.
So I went into archives, and saw a lot of the past. I started choosing those memories that's not worth my memory space. Unpleasant, sad, grief, unimportant people and unimportant events. I wouldn't delete them totally; just storing them at the very back of the brain, just in case I forget the people that comes along with the event, so at least I remember the people to avoid future awkward moments when I see these people. The memories became so vague and negligible that once you triggered it, you need to take a few days, or even weeks to dig up those memories to finally recall what happened.
Examples like gore experiences, images and things you shouldn't see, horrible things you're forced to do, random useless information, failed relationships, embarrassing situations, fail exams, getting bullied in secondary school, friends who left. I deleted all these.
Like what I've blogged, I mentioned that BMT was a complete waste of time. What you'll change mentally and physically, change for the better blah blah. Got meh?? Ok at least my physical standards improved, but other than that, I think it only did more harm to my health. I've been through worse stuff. And I conclude that I learnt nothing in BMT (got is got lah, as in nothing really matters that can change my life lah). And no, don't start the camaraderie, brotherhood, friendships blah blah.
And so I erased all memories of BMT and got myself 4 months' worth of space. LOL. Things can get handy if you didn't get your memories settled properly.
Recently I bumped into one ex-platoon mate back in BMT in my camp. He's now a regular so he needs to camp-hop. He walked past me but of course I have no impression of him at all. He called out to me, "Hey weijim!" I turned around and looked at him for a while and said hi. I thought to myself, he must be somebody I forgot. He asked me how was life after BMT and all.
"BMT?"
"Yea, i missed days in Taurus."
"Taurus!" i even forgot i was in Taurus! "Ya Taurus. Good days." I'm still trying to search for this guy in my files before I embarrass myself. Then he started talking a lot about BMT.
"Who were in your section ah?"
"Oh Gab, Milo, Elque...., .... erm... ........ .......... ....... ..." and I realised I really cannot remember anybody else. I just stared at him, "......erm.... .....", my mind racing, trying not to wear any expression on my face.
"..................." damn i really couldn't remember anybody else. and the pause starts getting longer and awkward. How am I gonna wrap this up?
Fortunately his friend called over to him to leave and we bade goodbye. And I tried to pull back those memories from the back of my brain and like today (4 days from then) I recalled who he was and the rest of my other section mates.
Another time was somebody called out to me at the airport. He was familiar so I could have guessed that he was somebody I chose to forget. So I kind of said hi and excused myself fast. Turns out that he's my ex-colleague when I finally able to recall.
I learnt that I have to sort out my memories properly. If one day you saw me and I couldn't recognise you, it means that this life came to a point of time when I have to choose to forget you. Yes, you can do that.
Everyone can do selective memory.
(2:52 AM);
I made mymark
I made my