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J


I stand in between both solstice; slashed, tortured, LOST.




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Before you, my life was like a moonless night. Very dark, but there were stars - points of light and reason. And then you shot across my sky like a meteor. Suddenly everything was on fire; there was brilliancy, there was beauty. When you were gone, when the meteor had fallen over horizon, everything went black. Nothing had changed, but my eyes were blinded by the light. I couldn't see the stars anymore. And there was no more reason for anything.




MY JOHARI WINDOW!

Galvin
Eldora
Elix
Gwendelyn
Iryani
Janice
Joel
Kian Guan
Pamela
Tee Ming
Zhi Xun
Sin Yan
Samantha
Jia Yun
Huey Min

Don't probe into my past.



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Since 1 Oct 2007

I've been seeing signs and I don't know what is Heaven's point of showing them to me. Are You showing me the way? Outcomes can be good or bad. I don't wish to suffer and pick myself up again. And I've come to realise I'm usually in that predicament. Today was bad. In fact everyday was bad. * pleaded me to be optimistic for once. But what's there to be? I have lower tolerance for people I don't like now. As much as I want to be nice, the list just kept getting longer. I know you probably don't like me too but aaaaaaaaaa fuck off. I see a lot of people who really think that the world revolves around them. I want to make humble pies and feed them all. Quit being modest too. Give me a break. Nobody in this world is indispensable.

As if I had not have enough on my plate, I witnessed an accident on my way home, and it happened right in front of my eyes. It was tragic. The car failed to brake in time and it hit a girl toddler. She flew several metres away and landed with a thud. She lay there motionless, dead. The father cried uncontrollably and yelled with utmost distraught over his little child. The grandfather had to grab and hold his son tight. It was really a heartwrenching sight. People gathered around. Some went ahead to help. Bystanders wept upon the loss of the little girl. The father's piercing cries lasted till the ambulance came half an hour later. Sitting in a daze at one corner was the driver, his conscience stained forever, albeit all was just accidental.

It was traumatizing. It was like an reenactment of the tragedy that happened to a friend many years ago. One that I took months to get out of. It was hard. It was hard to see friends go, and knowing they'll never come back again.