LOST IDENTITY

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J



I stand in between both solstice; slashed, tortured, LOST.




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Before you, my life was like a moonless night. Very dark, but there were stars - points of light and reason. And then you shot across my sky like a meteor. Suddenly everything was on fire; there was brilliancy, there was beauty. When you were gone, when the meteor had fallen over horizon, everything went black. Nothing had changed, but my eyes were blinded by the light. I couldn't see the stars anymore. And there was no more reason for anything.

SCREAM



MY JOHARI WINDOW!



BLOGROLL

Galvin
Eldora
Elix
Gwendelyn
Iryani
Janice
Joel
Kian Guan
Pamela
Tee Ming
Zhi Xun
Sin Yan
Samantha
Jia Yun
Huey Min


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Don't probe into my past.


CREDITS

designer Dancing Sheep
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Since 1 Oct 2007





Thursday, December 27, 2007

Went for I-Guides Packing Day last Tuesday where we packed the goodies bags for the Temasek Polytechnic Open House 2008. Met up with fellow Proteus people but not all turned up for it. Location was Temasek Convention Centre Foyer. If it isn't for SEAL points and the few dollars' salary I wouldn't be there either. Met up with WeiSiang, JunXian, KeYuan and Peter. Saw WeiZhi there too with his Integrated Facility Design and Management friends. It was not easy to pack, there were many things to be put into the bags, and the bags unfortunately did not arrive on that day which it supposed to be. It was super messy that day without the bags. All the flyers and forms and bits and pieces of paper were just slotted into the magazines. And these magazines were placed into boxes to be ferried to the auditorium for fuck. And in the end the plan failed because it was really too heavy to just carry one box (even four muscular men will have difficulties carrying it, whatsmore we're students). And many boxes torn apart and its contents all flow out, which means our many hours effort flow away like the water in the river. All the magazines were in a mess and everything slotted in it slipped out. That showed how unorganised the main-comm and sub-comm is.

The day was made worse by the four lamers I'm with. WeiSiang's stupidity always drives me crazy. He always thought that I'm out to compete with him in everything like since Sec 1. He never wins me in everything anyway.

First Scoops!!
What are the goodies?

I can't recall anymore because I was doing the School of Humanities and School of Informatics and Information Technology information booklets with two Leisure and Resort Management girls after I did the packing of all the magazines into the boxes. I can say I'm sick of seeing Lee Hom and Rainie Yang now. Some girls secretly brought home the magazines with Show on the cover because there's a large poster of him inside.

I have to say I don't like this kind of activity. Camps and all that. I know networking is important in one's life. But these are really not my kind of thing. In camps you have to be very hyper and enthusiastic in whatever they call you to do, mostly dumb and stupid things to me. And I think all the ice-breaking games are stupid. I don't like this kind of camaraderie, or is there any at all? I dislike this way of networking. I really envy those who are so hyper and enthusiastic over this kind of thing, those who can shout and scream cheers like their lives depend on it, those who are so full of zeist for life when we're so screwed in this fucked up world, those who can be so optimistic in this fucked up society, those who loved the school so much to the extent that they are willing to die for it - literally. I admit I admire and envy their spirits. I can't bring myself to their position, I'm already drained by what life has given. I went FOC on account of my friends, I went for a couple of ENGINEERING camps on account of my friends, I went to this I-Guides camp on account of my friends. Each time hoping that camp will be fun, but each time disappointed with the stupid belief. A few months go by and you won't be in contact with your campmates, just hi-bye, or sometimes they even forget you existed. Complete waste of three days for each camp for me. Most of the time you are treated like kindergarten kids playing games. You don't meet potential business partners like that. Imagine you are wearing your best business suit for some shareholders meeting, preparing to debate in there with the many shareholders and high status people, and before you start the agenda you play "Go back jump, go jump go.." and if you lose you have to do a forfeit like standing at the middle of the table and croak and move like a frog, all to break the ice? OK I might sound ignorant to some, but what I'm trying to bring across is that I don't like such things, period, and I believe there are better methods of networking. I get to know my closest and bestest and goodest friends without any ice-breaking games, how cool is that? Damn cool right?

Went to Lee Kong Chian Library to reseach on my term break assignment. I realised all the books I needed were in the restricted reference section. It's such a chore to get in there. The Security will check what you bring in. The reference section changed a lot. An internal staircase was erected, connecting L7, L8 and L9. It wasn't there when I went with WeiSiang and PeiShan a few years' back. I end up photocopying lots of pages from lots of books as they were closing soon. Thanks JunFei and ZhiXun who helped a lot. Thanks Victor and Nathaniel who helped me too. Till now I haven't sieve out all those relevant ones yet.

Ok, festive season's here. Come and go fast eh? Hope all of you had a wonderful Christmas.
Happy belated birthday to Vivian and Derrick!!

Went to town on last Saturday with Lathaniel, Darren, Vanessa and Xiaoqi for movie but in the end didn't. We exchanged gifts and I got a super un-cool pouch from Vanessa. Xiaoqi got me a special gift. :)))) And I got presents from MingDe and YiLing too. Gotta buy them something to redeem myself. Nathaniel and Victor joined us for dinner at Cafe Cartel. They gave us little presents and we gave them too. We were super high today and causing such a din as usual. Can't helped it because their super weirdos. There were lots of people everywhere in town. This year's decoration is only so-so. Apologies to the rest who didn't receive presents from me, I've sent you the most long-winded greeting cards you've ever received. You should understand that I'm one of the most stingiest person alive. Anyway it's the thought that counts right? Just want to let you all know that Christmas is no fun without you all. Even though we didn't club this year, it's still fun. Thanks MingDe for the beers and for driving all of us home.

Sunday!! Woke up super early by Jun Hao and Nathaniel, who kept calling non-stop. Had lunch at Carl's Junior at VivoCity. Darren, YaoWu, XingJie, Chocolate and YiLing came for lunch too. Had to change seats as there were many of us. We spent like 2 hours there, talking. We always have lots to talk about. We went to the arcade before we went to get the "things" for James. We were planning a surprise for him as his birthday is coming soon. There's this man dressed like a bodyguard kept stalking us. Darren was about to confront him but we managed to shake the person off in like 15 minutes. Wondering what he's up to. They went to watch movie but I didn't join them because I have to go meet my fellow polymates.

Super squeezy in the MRT. Met Chester, NanPing, Alex, Jel, KianTeck and Hoon at Orchard MRT station. Went to dine at Pepper Lunch joined by Christopher and Adha. After that we went KTV for three hours before we got blasted out. There were many bookings that day. We celebrated KianTeck's birthday too. We bought him a very nice New Urban Male T-shirt. Went Lido McDonald's for supper and countdown to KianTeck's birthday there. Funny times because there's Hoon, the joke of the day. Caught the last train of NSL because there were no more NEL. Took train to AMK with KianTeck, NanPing, Chester and Alex. In the end we walked home because they didn't want to take taxi because of the increased charge, or maybe because I lived further and they have to pay more even on dutch. And Alex couldn't take it anymore so I accompanied him take cab as I lived further. Chester walked home alone. The price from Hougang to Punggol was $9.00!

Christmas Eve went JunHao's place for XBOX with Victor, Nathaniel, Lionel, Gabriel and Kelly. JunHao's mother prepared lots of food! Candy canes for all of us! We gambled too and I lost. Many funny moments, especially when Kelly failed at all her card tricks. Went downstairs for basketball! Time pass super fast and night falls. Before I thought that I will be welcoming Christmas at home, Kenneth called me down to town after he finished work. So I went to meet them. JunFei's and ZhiXun's mobile were not working and were super difficult to contact them. Must wait for them to call us. ZhiXun was super funny, he was proclaiming at the other end of the line, saying that was the first time he use public phone. LOL!

We spent the night out. There were lots of youngsters around. Many people spraying the foam. I saw lots of people that day. I saw Regine, Kelvin and Benjamin. I saw Yvonne and her friends. I saw DaWei. I saw Angeline, Vivian, Zhen Zhen, Justina and Geraldine. I saw Kestine and Patrick. I saw Derrick. I saw Ah Loy. And I saw the White Tigers. I think they're damn cool even though I don't like them. HAHAHA! Bought beers and tidbits and decided to go to the park at where the Singapore Flyer is located and realised it's close for renovation. Walked a super long way to Suntec where we sat there at the Fountain of Wealth and gambled. There were a few hooligans around. The night was nice, with the near full moon up above us. Funny moments with them too. Treated Kenneth to breakfast as he won the card games. We took train home while Kenneth went to work. LOL! Slept till night.

I guess it's back to assignments eh?? Sian ah~~~~
It's 2008 soon. Sian ah~~~~

你每一句话都是无可取代~




(3:41 AM);
I made my mark