-=| 2746 |=-
J


I stand in between both solstice; slashed, tortured, LOST.




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Before you, my life was like a moonless night. Very dark, but there were stars - points of light and reason. And then you shot across my sky like a meteor. Suddenly everything was on fire; there was brilliancy, there was beauty. When you were gone, when the meteor had fallen over horizon, everything went black. Nothing had changed, but my eyes were blinded by the light. I couldn't see the stars anymore. And there was no more reason for anything.




MY JOHARI WINDOW!

Galvin
Eldora
Elix
Gwendelyn
Iryani
Janice
Joel
Kian Guan
Pamela
Tee Ming
Zhi Xun
Sin Yan
Samantha
Jia Yun
Huey Min

Don't probe into my past.



designer Dancing Sheep
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Since 1 Oct 2007

옛날에 도자기로 만들어진 토끼가 있었어요.
도끼는 어린 여자아이를 사랑했고
그아이가 죽어가는 걸 지겨보았어요

그 도끼는
다시는 사랑하는 실수를 저지르지 않겠다고
맹세했어요

하지만 어디 대답해보렴
사랑이 없는데
어떻게 이야기가 행복하게 끝날 수 있겠니

엣날에 아주 아름다운 공주가 있었어
달도 없는 깜깜한 밤에 뜬 별처럼
반짝반짝 빛나는 공주었지

무엇 때문이었는지 에드위드는 그 말에서 위안을 얻었어요
그래서 혼자 그 말을 중얼거맀죠
달도 없는 깜깜한 밤에 빛나는 별처럼

계속해서 되풀이하다 보니
어느새
새빅이 밝았담니다





How unpredictable life is.

Back when I was at the Eastern Gate, I was very sure of myself I would never ever get used to the life here. I was sore, bitter, and unhappy with life. I couldn't believe my job is to sit here and while my time away. I guess because before I came into army, I was moving at a super fast speed. And when suddenly I have to stop everything, I just felt really uneasy. I couldn't wait to get out of here.

And then shit started coming in when new people came, it wasn't all a bad thing. Because there were adventures and ordeals and situations which brought out the best in people. I grew closer with these people whom I never thought I would call my brothers. I can say I learnt a lot and grew a lot, and I will not exchange anything for them, or all that happened. I find it really ridiculous, and funny at the same time, about the politics in the squadron. We were just an insignificant and small fry squadron (actually technically and practically we're not), the palace politics are really well-performed I would say. If you script it into a movie, it would be a blockbuster. A couple of times I nearly got my head rolled, almost thrown into detention barracks, almost died.

Okay I typed a long essay about some things that happened but I deleted it. Controversial topics always lead to me being misjudged. It was a fun journey nonetheless, I still remember some things like it was yesterday. I found love in a hopeless place. Silver lining I guess. These memories were all that matters. And I enjoyed telling people these stories. And in future, I would tell these stories to my grandchildren.

But do every cloud has a silver lining? Anyway, I intended to talk about karma but I kind of steered off track.

Now that I regained my memories, I would have to erase some.





Compassion hurts. When you feel connected to everything, you also feel responsible for everything. And you cannot turn away. Your destiny is bound with the destinies of others. You must either learn to carry the universe or be crushed by it. You must grow strong enough to love the world, yet empty enough to sit down at the same table with its worst horrors.

-andrewboyd





I hesitated for a few days before heeding Adam's words,  that is to go back to the wetlands where F had buried the box under the big yellow tree, to find out the truth to everything. He said if I were adamant about finding out the missing puzzles, I should not regret. I was anxious. I don't know how I should feel.






지현아

이제야 비로서 네가 왜 말없이 떠나고 싶어는지 알겠다.
너는 너 혼자 침묵하고 외로웠던
대신 남겨진 사람들이 이렇게 너로 인해 위로 받게 만드는구나.
너의 49일이 네 말처럼 축복이었다고 맏게 많은 것을
제자리 둘려놓았으니깐.

너도 어디서든 행복해라.







Until we have seen someone's darkness, we don't really know who they are.
Until we have forgiven someone's darkness, we don't really know what love is.





Sometimes when things are falling apart,